Teresa's Interview with Rebecca Bauer

Teresa recently had the privilege of interviewing Rebecca Bauer on our Word and Spirit telecast. After growing up at the Church on the Way where her father, Jack Hayford, was the Founding Pastor, Rebecca served alongside her husband, Scott Bauer, who was the Senior Pastor until he went to be with Jesus very unexpectedly in his late forties. During this interview, Rebecca shares her thoughts on being a preacher's kid and a pastor's wife, before suddenly finding herself an single adult.

Absent Fathers Still Influence

While perusing the internet researching a completely different topic, I stumbled across a fascinating article detailing how many of our nation's Presidents were deeply influenced by their absent fathers. Doug Wead writes,

There is curious anecdotal evidence that some of history’s most powerful leaders came from homes with absent fathers. And we are seeing this scenario acted out again in the lives of our two presidential candidates, Barack Obama and John McCain.

Senator Barack Obama, whose father left home in 1963, was only two years old. They were separated by continents. Obama was twenty-one years old when he was told in a telephone call that the father he never knew was killed in an automobile accident.

John McCain, son and grandson of navy officers, had a father who was a four star admiral. He was very loving but very busy and usually faraway.

Many fathers of the American presidents die young. And even the ones who live usually fall into the Obama-McCain category. “I was never there,” says George Herbert Walker Bush, “Barbara raised him.”

Three fathers of presidents died before their sons were even born.

Andrew Jackson
Rutherford B. Hayes
Bill Clinton

And many others died at an early age. James Garfield was one year old when his father died. Andrew Johnson was three, Herbert Hoover six, George Washington eleven, and Thomas Jefferson fourteen. Fully nineteen presidents lost their fathers before they reached age thirty. And only two fathers actually attended their sons’ inaugurations.

There is a very predictable family formula for strong leaders, good and bad. They have an attachment to the mother and an absent father. Hitler, Stalin, Mao Zedung all fit the pattern as neatly as Washington and Jefferson.

After giving more examples from the annals of U.S. history to support his thesis, Wead recounts how he was puzzled by the fact that absentee fathers played such a prominent and positive role in shaping the lives of Presidents, even though he knew "...America's prisons are full of young men who also attached to their mothers and have an absent father." Later, he came to some thought-provoking conclusions as to why the impact on each group of children is so very different,

If a father only spends his life serving his sons, reducing himself to the role of a taxi driver, running them to little league and soccer practice and math camp, all to show that they are a loving father willing to sacrifice their own advancement to give their sons an opportunity they never had, don’t expect the sons to grow up to be major league ball players or brilliant engineers. They will likely grow up to be taxi drivers just like their fathers, driving their sons all over suburbia as well.

On the other hand, if a father does something great with his life, achieves something significant or heroic, then, even if he is absent, his son will likely follow and may even do better, just to rub it in.

There is now much evidence that the role of the father, even his absence, is just as important in shaping leaders and presidents as is the role of the mother. Affirmed and empowered by their mother’s love but also hurt and frustrated by their father’s absence, a leader, including most American presidents, will strive to prove their value and worth with their great achievements.

Personally, I am convinced the best fathers do both. They deeply invest their time in their children's lives while also finding and fulfilling their own God-given destiny. I do think, however, that in an attempt to give their kids every possible advantage in life, some parents unwittingly infect them with the intoxicating and corrosive impression that they are the center of the universe, that their own wants and needs should be the focus of their lives.

Jesus, on the other hand, clearly stated that humility and service to others are the key to all true greatness. It is very important to convince our children of our love for them and of their great value in the eyes of the Lord. It is also vital that we point them toward something larger than themselves as the ultimate goal in life.

24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. 26 What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? (Matthew 16:24-26 NIV)

Dorm Brothels, Etc. - Christianity Today articles that caught my eye

Christianity Today magazine posted an article today on their website drawn from their 2005 archives that every parent ought to read...and weep over in prayer for the youth of our nation. Entitled, "Dorm Brothel," it is lengthy and a tad literary in tone, but very moving. A parallel piece by prominent pastor and theologian John Piper entitled, "Gutsy Guilt" holds out hope for healing and forgiveness to all Christ followers who struggle with sexual sins.

In another vein, having preached yesterday on the Exodus account of God's parting the waters of the Red (or Reed) Sea, I found christian pollster George Barna's finding that, "...a substantial majority of Americans believes in the literal truth of six key Bible stories..." quite interesting. Here is how the percentages break down, according to Stan Guthrie's summary of Barna's research, "Taking Bible Stories Literally." When Americans are asked whether or not they believe a specific story in Scripture is "...literally true, meaning it happened exactly as described in the Bible...,"

Christ’s crucifixion, burial, and resurrection (75%);
Daniel in the Lion’s Den (65%);
Moses parting the Red Sea (64%);
David and Goliath (63%);
Peter walking on water (60%);
God creating the universe in six days (60%).

Guthrie goes on to note,

When you break down the numbers, it gets even more interesting. Several factors are correlated with less belief in a literal resurrection: high education, mainline vs. non-mainline Protestantism, Catholicism vs. Protestantism, and white vs. black. So, statistically speaking, a highly educated white Catholic or mainline professor from the Northeast would likely be more skeptical than a blue-collar African-American Protestant from the Midwest or South.

In a parallel piece entitled, "Ressurection of Jesus: So What?," Mark Galli opines,

The results are broken down by faith tradition, geography, race, and education. To take one overall finding, though: "The story of Jesus Christ rising from the dead, after being crucified and buried" was the story most widely embraced. Three out of four adults (75 percent) said they interpreted that narrative literally.

Yet polls and anecdotal evidence suggest that 75 percent of Americans are not living dedicated lives to the resurrected Jesus!

This should give us apologetic pause. A great deal of evangelical apologetics is about proving the historicity of the resurrection (or creation--intelligent design or 7-day--but nearly two-thirds of Americans already believe in a literal 7-day creation). The figures suggest that this is NOT the battle ground for most Americans. It is the relevance or meaning of the resurrection that seems to elude Americans. It is not a stretch for most people to believe that a God who created the universe could raise Jesus from the dead, among other miracles--Duh. What is a stretch is understanding what difference it makes.

Perhaps it's time for a new chapter in evangelical apologetics. Not "The Resurrection--Did it Happen?" but "The Resurrection--So What?"

Throughout history, the question and meaning of the empty tomb of Jesus have always been the central question of Christianity. As the Apostle Paul put it, according to Eugene Peterson's The Message paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 15:13-20,

"13 If there’s no resurrection, there’s no living Christ. 14 And face it—if there’s no resurrection for Christ, everything we’ve told you is smoke and mirrors, and everything you’ve staked your life on is smoke and mirrors. 15 Not only that, but we would be guilty of telling a string of barefaced lies about God, all these affidavits we passed on to you verifying that God raised up Christ—sheer fabrications, if there’s no resurrection. 16 If corpses can’t be raised, then Christ wasn’t, because he was indeed dead. 17 And if Christ weren’t raised, then all you’re doing is wandering about in the dark, as lost as ever. 18 It’s even worse for those who died hoping in Christ and resurrection, because they’re already in their graves. 19 If all we get out of Christ is a little inspiration for a few short years, we’re a pretty sorry lot. 20 But the truth is that Christ has been raised up, the first in a long legacy of those who are going to leave the cemeteries. " (1 Corinthians 15:12-20 The Message)

It is only through a personal relationship with the one who came back to life after being put to death on a cross that any of us can live a holy life. That is one of the reasons the resurrection of Jesus is so important - and wonderful!

" 1 Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? 2 Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it? 3 Or have you forgotten that when we were joined with Christ Jesus in baptism, we joined him in his death? 4 For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism. And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives." (Romans 6:1-4 NLT)

Praying for Prodigals

Sometimes parents experience true anguish of soul as children they have raised to follow the Lord make very bad choices and turn their backs on Him. In such moments, prayer is extremely important. By pouring their hearts out to the Lord, parents can find healing and peace in spite of the circumstance. Even more importantly, their prayers are powerfully effective in seeing their prodigals come back into a right relationship with God.

Earlier this morning, I received an email with a touching article written by Francis Frangipane's daughter, Joy, chronicling some of her journey away from God, and then back to Him. Her words bear eloquent testimony to the power of parental prayer and provide a window into the heart and mind of some prodigals. If you are facing such a circumstance in your life, I encourage you to read her article entitled, Your Children Will Return.

Speaking of parent–child relationships, my parents, Kenneth and Vera Brand, will be ministering tonight, Wednesday, September 12th, during our Word and Worship service in the Chapel of the Holy Spirit at 7pm. They have each been preaching God’s Word for more than fifty years, serving the Lord with integrity, dedication, and great fruitfulness. Anything I ever become or do for the glory of God in my life will be due in large part to the spiritual seeds they have sown in my life and the prayers they have prayed. I know their ministy in word and testimony will be a great blessing to all who hear them.

Terry and Rolanda Green will kick off a new LifeGroup for parents with children next Wednsday night, September 19th, by facilitating a dynamic video study series called Miracle Parenting, by Phil Phillips at 7pm in Room 214. Simply put, this material is the best I have ever seen on a practical, biblical approach to raising positive, healthy children who love Jesus with all their hearts. I encourage every parent that possibly can to in this study with them! And, don’t forget - we serve a delicious, inexpensive meal every Wednesday night from 5:30-6:30pm in our Performing Arts Center with full children’s ministry beginning at 6:45pm until classes end.

Parenting in the Midst of Tragedy

John Piper is not only a famous author and pastor in Minneapolis, but also a parent. His blog post entitled, Putting My Daughter to Bed Two Hours After the Bridge Collapsed, bears powerful witness, not only to some deep theological truths, but also to the sovereign way in which God set up his family's evening devotions, moments after devasting calamity struck their city.

It is never easy to answer hard questions, especially when they come in the midst of great emotion that touches even the very young. God is faithful, though, to use His Word and His Spirit to help us when we need it the most!

We Might Be In-Laws Someday...!

Thanks to our very own Dennis Smith over at the Men of Legacy blog for pointing the way to a great article by Todd Wilson of FamilyMan Ministries entitled, "We Might Be In-Laws Someday...!" over at Men of Integrity.net.

As the father of an eight year old princess, I say, "Amen!" to Todd's list of things he wants taught to his future son-in-law:

1. Train him to be involved with his family. He can't do his own thing.
2. Train him to be a good listener. Eye to eye—no distractions.
3. Train him to be gentle. No harsh words or roughness.
4. Train him to be able to say "I'm sorry"—even when he feels wronged.
5. Train him to have a real, growing relationship with God. He can't go it alone.
6. Train him to care more about loving his wife and raising his children than he does about his career.
7. Train him to be able to say "no" to his own desires and "yes" to hers.

To sign up for Todd's weekly email, click here. To subcribe to his podcast via the free, itunes software (no ipod required...!), click here. While you are at it, check out his "You 'da Dad" online magazine.

God help me to live up to that list myself...! Number two, especially, pierced my heart. How many times have I "listened" without "looking...!"

Blackberry...Crackberry...!

How things have changed since email first appeared on the scene a few years ago! I remember thinking back in the early 90's when Teresa and I were living in France and I had just discovered email, "Wow! If only we could communicate with our friends and contacts in the States this way. That would be so much cheaper than transatlantic phone calls and so much quicker than regular mail."

In recent years, the pendulum has swung to the other end of the spectrum, with the proliferation of various kinds of hand-held devices and text-enabled cell phones. A couple of months back, the Wall Street Journal ran an article every "wired" parent needs to read entitled, "BlackBerry Orphans." If you are like me, you will probably say, "Ouch!" sometime before you have finished it, but trust me, it's like that old-fashioned medicine your mother poured into your mouth when you were a kid. It may sting a bit, but it will do you good...!

Here's a little taste to whet your appetite:

In Austin, Texas, Hohlt Pecore, 7, and his sister, Elsa, 4, have complicated relationships with their mother's BlackBerry. "I feel very annoyed," says Hohlt. ... Elsa has hidden the BlackBerry on occasion -- Hohlt says she tried to flush it down the toilet last year. Their mother, Elizabeth Pecore, who co-owns a specialty grocery store, denies the incident. But Elsa also seems to recognize that it brings her mom comfort, not unlike a pacifier or security blanket. Recently, seeing her mom slumped on the couch after work, Elsa fished the BlackBerry from her mother's purse and brought it to her. "Mommy," she asked, "will this make you feel better?" Emma Colonna wishes her parents would behave, at least when they're out in public. The ninth-grade student in Port Washington, N.Y., says she has caught her parents typing emails on their Treos during her eighth-grade awards ceremony, at dinner and in darkened movie theaters. "During my dance recital, I'm 99% sure they were emailing except while I was on stage," she says. "I think that's kind of rude." ... Some mental-health professionals report that the intrusion of mobile email gadgets and wireless technology into family life is a growing topic of discussion in therapy. They have specific tips for dealing with the problem, like putting the device in a drawer during a set time period every day. "A lot of kids are upset by it," says Geraldine Kerr, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Morristown, N.J. She says parents need to recognize that some situations require undivided attention. When you shut off the device, she says, "You're communicating nonverbally that 'you matter and what's important to you is important to me.' " Still, like teenagers sneaking cigarettes behind school, parents are secretly rebelling against the rules. The children of one New Jersey executive mandate that their mom ignore her mobile email from dinnertime until their bedtime. To get around their dictates, the mother hides the gadget in the bathroom, where she makes frequent trips before, during and after dinner. The kids "think I have a small bladder," she says. She declined to be named because she's afraid her 12- and 13-year-old children might discover her secret.

When I read that, it is easy for me to say, "Thank God I've not gone to that extreme!"

The reality is that sometimes my own wife and children have needed to me pry me away from some keyboard or another, insisting that I turn the thing off, while reminding me to look directly into their eyes while listening to them or speaking to them.

Do you have such tendencies? If so, let's hold each other accountable...!

Protect your kids from online predators

The Christianity Today website is carrying a great article on how to protect your kids from online predators at internet social sites. Taken from CT's sister publication Today's Christian Woman, the article is entitled, A Mom's Guide to MySpace.

It suggests such tips as,

1. Custome your child's profile so certain aspects of their page are private.
2. Register yourself as a member of your child's network so you can log onto sites related to his or her site.
3. Ask your child or your youth pastor for a guided tour of such sites so you will understand their dynamics and potential pitfalls.
4. Become a part of the solution by agressively reporting anything wrong you see on such websites to the website host provider.

Since our children are so young, Teresa and I do not yet face this issue in our home, but we know it is coming. We urge all of you who are parents of children old enough to have access to the internet to check out resources like this article!